Theatre Related Quotes and stuff

Theatre related quotes and other fun stuff.

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Jokes

Principles For the Actor

Proverbs From the Techie Bible

Quotes

Superstitions

Techie's Point of View

Theatre Etiquette

Theatre Terms and What they Mean

Theatrical Structure

Theatrical Terms

Links to more fun stuff

Quotes

Do not be full of yourself, but be full of your part. ~Boucicault

In your choice is your talent. ~Adler

The Play is the Master and I am it's Whore! ~Charles Jeffries

Thus play I in one play many persons. ~shakie

The theatre has built a whole art round the actor, based on the man and his

double - the actor and his character. ~Jean-Louis Barrault

An actor is a sculptor who carves in snow. ~Lawrence Barrett

Acting isn't really a creative profession. It's an interpretive one. ~Paul Newman

The teeth lie, the hair deceives, but the wrinkles tell the truth. ~Old Spanish Proverb

Acting is the art of speaking in a loud clear voice and the avoidance of bumping into the furniture. ~Alfred Lunt

An actor is part illusionist, part artist, part ham. ~Oscar Wilde

I love acting. It is so much more real than life. ~Oscar Wilde

What are we going to do for the rest of our lives? Sit and watch the parade go by? Amuse ourselves with the glass menagerie? ~From Glass Menagerie

All the world's a stage and the men and women on it merely players. ~Shakespeare

There is as much difference between the stage and films as between a piano and a violin. Normally you can't become a virtuoso in both. ~Ethel Barrymore, 1956

In London, theatregoers expect to laugh; in Paris, they wait grimly for proof that they should. ~Robert Dhery, 1958

Like hungry guests, a sitting audience looks:/ Plays are like suppers; poets are the cooks. / The founder's you; the table is this place:/ The carvers we; the prologue is the grace. / Each act a course, each scene, a different dish. ~George Farquhar, 1702

You need three things in the theatre -- the play, the actors and the audience, and each must give something. ~Kenneth Haigh, 1958

We do not go to the theatre like our ancestors, to escape from the pressure of reality, so much as to confirm our experience of it. ~Charles Lamb, 1823

It's called acting. ~Lawrence Olivier to Dustin Hoffman.

(In attempting to research this quote, I found this on imdb.com: Upon learning that his Marathon Man costar Dustin Hoffman had stayed awake for two days to look properly exhausted in one scene, he told the younger actor, You should try acting, my boy. It's much easier.)

Theatre takes place all the time -- wherever one is-- and art simply facilitates persuading one this is the case. ~John Cage, 1961

In my plays I want to look at life -- at the commonplace of existence -- as if we had just turned a corner and run into it for the first time. ~Christopher Fry, 1950

The theatre, when all is said and done, is not life in miniature, but life enormously magnified, life hideously exaggerated. ~H. L. Mencken, 1919

The structure of a play is always the story of how the birds came home to roost. ~Arthur Miller, 1958

Great drama is the souvenir of the adventure of a master among the pieces of his own soul. ~George Jean Nathan, 1923

It is the destiny of the theatre nearly everywhere and in every period to struggle even when it is flourishing. ~Howard Taubman, 1964

We live in what is, but we find a thousand ways not to face it. Great theatre strengthens our faculty to face it. ~Thornton Wilder, 1958

An actor is a sculptor who carves in snow. ~Lawrence Barrett

If you can't act, behave! ~John Igo

You know...I worked in the theatre for five years before I learned that 'F***ing Electricians' was really TWO words.

There are two impulses in theatre: to be frivolous or to make rules. ~Tadashi Suzuki

Realism is something we practice when we aren't feeling very well. When we don't feel up to the extra effort. ~Robert Edmund Jones

Cruelty in the theatre is unrelenting decisiveness, diligence, strictness. ~Antonin Artaud

Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. ~Goethe

Creativity is first of all an act of destruction. ~Picasso

When you feel ten in your heart...express seven. ~Zeami : Japanese originator of Noh drama

Embarrassment is a partner in the creative act. ~Jeffries

The object is freedom. ~Anne Bogart

Charles Jeffries, Linda Shuler, Anna Gangai, Laurie Dietrich, W. Chris Champlin. Thank you for providing your favorite quotes.

From the Techie's Point of View

Actors are props with dialogue.

Beat to fit, paint to match.

If force doesn't work, you're not using enough.

Done is best.

An actor without techies is a naked person standing in the dark trying to emote. A techie without actors is a person with marketable skills.

And on the first day the lord said... L X 1, GO! and there was light.

It's kind of fun to do the impossible.

EVERY theater company mirrors the Muppet show. Think about it.

John Wilkes Boothe should have shot an actor...

Love-it, Lock-it, Leave-it, NEXT...

Let the actors finish it.

I don't make mistakes, I have unintentional improvisations.

Hmmm. What would a smart guy do?

Our techies practice safe sets and Techies do it on cue.

Work sucks. I'm going to the theatre.

Life's a stage and we're constantly changing the scenery.

Extras are props that eat...

Umm, 'scuze me, your techies are showing...!

If we could read minds, we wouldn't need headsets.

Hey, I forgot my cue sheet, oh well, I'll make it up. I wonder if they'll notice?

thank you to Rebecca Phillips for sending those

Proverbs From the Techie Bible:

Give not unto the actor his props before his time, for assuredly as the sun does rise in the East and sets in the West, he will lose or break them.
When told the placement of props by the Director, write not these things in ink upon thy script for as surely as the winds blow, so shall he change his mind.
Speak not in large words to actors, for they are slow of thought and are easily confused.
Speak no in the language of the TECHIE to actors, for they are uninitiated, and will not perceive thy meaning.
Tap not the head of a nail to drive it, but strike it firmly with thy strength.
Keep holy the first performance, for afterwards you shall party.
Keep holy the last performance, for afterwards you shall party.
Remember always that the TD is never wrong. If it appears that he is, then you obviously misunderstood him for the first time.
Leave no the area of the stage during the play to go and talk with the actors, for as surely as you do, you will be in danger of missing your cue and being summarily executed or worse.
Beware of actors when flying in walls, for they will stand and watch and be crushed.
Beware of actors during scene changes, for they are not like unto you and are blind in the dark.
Take not they cues before their time, but wait for the proper moment to do so.
Take pity on the actors, for in their roles they are as children, and must be led with gentle kindness. Thus, endeavor to speak softly and not in anger.
Listen carefully to the instructions of the Director as to how he wants things done-- then do it the right way. In the days of thy work, he will see thy wisdom, give himself the credit, and rejoice.
If it is not yours, do not touch it, for surely as you do, your hand will be severed.
If you break it, you shall buy it.
It is not the question, What if something goes wrong? but, What will go wrong?
The question, Why do we have to sing? when doing a musical, should never be asked.
Do not miss your cue, for as you do, your world will crash down upon your head.
The only valid excuse for missing one's cue is death.
Do not overestimate the audience.
Do not underestimate the audience.
Always write down your blocking notes, for if you do not, the stage manager shall punish you.
One must always check their props, for if thou don't, they will mysteriously disappear.
To be early is to be on time, to be on time is to be late, to be late is to be replaced.
And above all, get carried away not with the glow-tape or they stage will be like unto an airport.

Theatre Terms and What They Mean

^Inis _down, _down is ^front

Out is ^up, ^up is back

Off is out, on is ⁱⁿ,

And of course,

Right is left, left is right.

A _drop ~~shouldn't~~ and a

Block and fall does neither.

A prop doesn't and

A cove has no water.

Tripping is OK.

A running crew rarely gets anywhere.

A purchase line will buy you nothing.

A trap will not catch anything.

A gridiron has nothing to do with football.

Strike is work. (In fact, lots of work)

And a green room, thank God, usually isn't.

Now that you're fully versed in theatrical terms,

Break a leg - but not really!

Theatrical Structure

Producer:

Leaps Tall Buildings In A Single Bound

Is More Powerful Than A Locomotive

Is Faster Than A Speeding Bullet

Walks On Water

Gives Policy To God

Director:

Leaps Short Buildings In A Single Bound

Is More Powerful Than A Switch Engine

Is Just As Fast As A Speeding Bullet

Walks On Water If The Sea Is Calm

Talks With God

Playwright:

Leaps Short Buildings With A Running Start

Is Almost As Powerful As A Switch Engine

Is Faster Than A Speeding BB

Swims Well

Is Occasionally Addressed By God

Actor:

Makes High Marks On The Wall When Trying To Leap Buildings

Is Run Over By Locomotives

Can Sometimes Handle A Gun Without Inflicting Self-Injury

Dog Paddles

Talks To Animals

Band:

Runs Into Buildings

Recognizes Locomotives Two Out Of Three Times

Is Not Issued Ammunition

Can Stay Afloat With A Life Preserver

Talks To Walls

Chorus:

Falls Over Doorsteps When Trying To Enter Buildings

Says, Look At The Choo-Choo!

Wets Self With A Water Pistol

Plays In Mud Puddles

Mumbles To Self

Stage Manager:

Lifts Buildings And Walks Under Them

Kicks Locomotives Off The Track

Catches Speeding Bullets In Teeth And Eats Them

Freezes Water With A Single Glance

Is GOD

Signs You've Been in the Theatre Too Much

Your weekend consists of Monday, and only Monday.

Q is not just a letter.

National holidays that fall on Monday seem pointless to you.

You know more than one theory for the origin of the name green room.

You can only read from a light that is blue.

You consider the red part of the stoplight the standby.

You can't remember what daylight looks like.

You feel naked without your keys attached to your belt loop, or your belt without your Maglite, Leatherman, and Gerber.

You know tie-line has several uses---shoelaces, belts, ponytail holders...

95% of your wardrobe is black.

You watch the Super Bowl, waiting for intermission, not half-time.

You tell more stories of what went wrong on shows you've done than what went smoothly.

You start wondering what it feels like to be a prop.

You know anything can be fixed with gaff tape, Mortite, sculpt-er-coat, a sharpie, tie-line, and a safety pin.

Your diet consists of fast food or microwaved food.

Your Halloween costume in some way utilizes running blacks and gaff tape.

Varying your diet means ordering the #2 instead of the #3 or eating with your left hand instead of your right.

You understand the jokes in Forbidden Broadway.

You insist on spelling theatre with an re not an er.

People recognize you by the sound of your keys jingling down the hallway.

Going to a restaurant means ordering and sitting down in McDonald's rather than the drive-thru.

You'd heard of Mandy Patinkin before he was on Chicago Hope.

Practical, Drop, and flat are nouns.

Instead of saying that you're leaving, you say you're exiting.

At home, you strike your dishes to the kitchen.

If someone asks you what time it is, you respond with something like, Half hour 'til half hour.

Principles For the Actor

Do not listen to your fellow actors (it will only throw you).

Hold for all laughs -- if you don't get it, repeat line louder (face front if necessary, or laugh at it yourself).

Tension gets results.

Emotion is like an orange, you must squeeze it to get the juice.

A performance, like concrete, should be molded then set.

Your first responsibility as an actor is to find the light.

Do not look at your partner -- You may not see what you want.

Always be specific, point to what you are talking about.

If a line isn't working for you, change it.

Cultivate an attitude of hostility. (NO MORE MISTER NICE GUY)

Stage Managers are not actors -- Ignore them.

Never be afraid to ad-lib to get attention.

Mistakes are never your fault.

Always find something to bitch about, no matter how small or insignificant.

Never arrive on time.

Never carry make-up; someone will always have what you need.

Help Stage Managers keep alert by not signing in.

Never help understudies (why should they steal your business?).

Help your fellow actors by giving notes whenever you feel it's necessary. (If they ignore you, report them to the Stage Manager.)

Whenever possible, give them notes immediately before they go on -- it will be fresher that way.

Speak your lines as if the audience had difficulty understanding the language.

Keep other performers on their toes by making fun of their performance.

Play the reality -- be aware of the audience.

The key advantage is surprise -- don't let actors know what you're going to do.

The difference between amateur and pro is that the pro does exactly the same thing for money.

Create your character -- find your own costume.

Never change anything that's working, no matter how wrong or phony it may seem.

When in doubt about an ad-lib, go Whoo!

Even if a piece of schtick doesn't work, keep using it.

Theatrical Terms

Eternity - The time that passes between a dropped cue and the next line.

Prop - 1. A hand-carried object small enough to be lost by an actor shortly before it's needed on stage. 2. Anything that gets in the way of a scene change.

Director - The individual who suffers from the delusion that he or she is responsible for every moment of brilliance cited by the critic in the local review.

Blocking - The art of moving actors on the stage in such a manner as to not collide with the walls, furniture, orchestra pit or each other. Similar to playing chess, except the pawns want to argue.

Quality Theater - Any show with which you were directly involved.

Turkey - Every show with which you were not directly involved.

Final Dress Rehearsal - Rehearsal that becomes a whole new ball game as actors attempt to maneuver among the 49 objects that the set designer added at 7:30 that evening.

Tech Week - The last week of rehearsal when everything that was supposed to be done weeks before finally comes together at the last minute; reaches its grand climax on final dress rehearsal night when costumes rip, a dimmer pack catches fire and the director has a nervous breakdown.

Set - An obstacle course which, throughout the rehearsal period, defies the laws of physics by growing smaller week by week while continuing to occupy the same amount of space.

Monologue - That shining moment when all eyes are focused on a single actor who is desperately aware that if he forgets a line, no one can save him.

Bit Part - An opportunity for the actor with the smallest role to count everybody else's lines and mention repeatedly that he or she has the smallest part in the show.

Dark Spot - The stage area which the lighting designer has inexplicably forgotten to light, and which has a magnetic attraction for the first-time actor. A dark spot is never evident before opening night.

Hands - Appendages at the end of the arms used for manipulating one's environment, except on a stage, where they grow six times their normal size and either dangle uselessly, fidget nervously, or try to hide in your pockets.

Stage Manager - Individual responsible for overseeing the crew, supervising the set changes, baby-sitting the actors and putting the director in a hammerlock to keep him from killing the actor who just decided to turn his walk-on part into a major role by doing magic tricks while he serves the tea.

Lighting Director - Individual who, from the only vantage point offering a full view of the stage, gives the stage manager a heart attack by announcing a play-by-play of everything that's going wrong. One who whines, throws fits, and says This is the last show I'm doing here! I swear to God !

Makeup Kit - among experienced community theater actors, a battered tackle box loaded with at least 10 shades of greasepaint in various stages of desiccation, tubes of lipstick and blush, assorted pencils, bobby pins, braids of crepe hair, liquid latex, old programs, jewelry, break-a-leg greeting cards from past shows, brushes and a handful of half-melted cough drops.

Stage Crew - Group of individuals who spend their evenings coping with 50-minute stretches of total boredom interspersed with 30-second bursts of mindless panic.

Strike - The time immediately following the last performance that all cast and crew members are required to watch the two people who own Makita screw drivers dismantle the set.

Actors - People who stand between the audience and the set designer's art, blocking the view. That's also the origin of the word blocking, by the way.

Stage Right, Stage Left - Two simple directions actors pretend not to understand in order to drive directors crazy. ( No, no, your OTHER right ! )

Just remember: It's only theatre until it offends someone … then it's ART !